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Samples of Completed Auctions
Garden Gnome-Traffic Warden-Brand New.
Last Price: GBP4.69
Ending Date and Time (GMT): 2004-10-29 20:38:58
Brand New Unusual Traffic Warden Garden Gnome.Aprox 8 inches
- NEW HAND HELD GARDEN CULTIVATOR/TILLER/CLAW
- Garden ornament moulds/mould NEW Lifelike rabbit
- High Quality 13KW Garden Gas Patio Heater - New
- EASY FIT DRAIN COVER A MUST HAVE THE GARDEN-BRAND NEW
- Garden Umbrella (Cantilever) - Brand New
- *NEW/BOXED* FLYMO 1800w GARDEN VAC (VACUUM)
- Garden patio heater Brazier BBQ - fire pit / basket NEW
- GARDEN SHED WALLSTORE FEATHEREDGE - NEW & UNUSED
- Garden Gnome-Cricketer-Brand New
- BRAND NEW SET- OUTDOOR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS FOR THE GARDEN
- Large Garden Gnome Latex Mould, Moulds, Brand new,
- Garden Gnome-Policeman-Brand New.
- Garden ornament moulds NEW Pair animal wall plaques
- GARDEN ROCK LIGHTS/HEAVY/SET OF 3/BRAND NEW
- TEAK GARDEN TABLE & 4 ARM CHAIRS - BRAND NEW
- GIANT GARDEN DOMINOES/GARDEN/INDOOR GAME (NEW)
- Fun Garden Hoopla - A Game for all ages - New - NR
- B/NEW BOXED "POWER STRAPPER" GARDEN TIE MACHINE
Garden Gnome-Footballer-Brand New.
Last Price: GBP4.99
Ending Date and Time (GMT): 2004-10-29 20:40:54
Brand New unusual footballer garden gnome-aprox 9" tall.Would make an
excellent Christmas
NEW WATERING SPRINKLER IDEAL 4 GARDEN NO RESERVE
Last Price: GBP0.01
Ending Date and Time (GMT): 2004-10-30 19:30:28
NEW WATERING SPRINKLER IDEAL 4 GARDEN NO RESERVE
How to Pay | Postage & Packing | Refunds and Returns Policy | Who
we are | Contact Us
Description
This auction is for 1 of these brand new Blackspur 5 function
sprinklers. Spray patterns are as follows:
*
Semi-circle
*
Strip
*
Rectangle
*
Square
*
Circle
I'm starting the auction on this sprinkler at just 1p, with no
reserve, so happy bidding!
The shipping cost for this item is £2.95
If you're intending to buy anything from us- PLEASE read the sections
on 'how to pay' and 'who we are'- please don't think this doesn't
apply to you- I don't really care what your feedback is- please read
it! (I think that's quite enough pleases!) Basically, we're not going
to be nice to people with problems that never pay, rude people and
people who can't read descriptions. If you don't like it, tough- look
elsewhere for bargains! If however you want the bargain of a lifetime
(well, bargain of the week- oh all right then bargain of the minute)
and are nice people (as are 95% of eBayers), we're happy to deal with
you. If you have any questions please read the Q&A section in 'contact
us' first.
All our auctions start at 1p, and if it finishes at 1p, we're still
happy because we've freed up space in our warehouse. Even if it
doesn't sell, if one person reads one of our ads and reconsiders
their eBay buying behaviour because of it- it'll have been worthwhile
(although it'd be even better if you bought something too!)
We don't keep back extras or replacements or have spares and can't or
won't be selling any more, these are one off bargains buy them while
you can (they probably won't be here next week... unless we've got 2
of them).
How to Pay
Go through the Marketworks check out. It's an eBay recommended
solution, not something we've cobbled together on a ZX81 (and if you
understand this reference- you're showing your age). Marketworks
is connected to our shipping systems and it'll give you all the
information you need on where to send cheques/postal orders and how to
send money via Paypal. If you don't go through the checkout we'd have
to manually create your orders, hand-write labels, hand-write
registered post labels etc.. and frankly it's not worth it for us to
do this. If you don't checkout and just try and pay outside
eBay/Marketworks we'll refund your paypal payment, return your
cheque/postal order to sender/rip it up etc.. and block you from
bidding on any other auctions.
I'll be blunt- the checkout's not complex (it's based on the Amazon
one-click checkout), all you have to do is type in your name and
address- it's not rocket-science (in fact it's not even domestic
science). Your details are not kept on a huge database somewhere ('cos
frankly why would we bother to email someone who's not interested-
what a waste of our time), it's not something we've developed
ourselves just to annoy you (it's an eBay recommended product for high
volume sellers), and no, Marketworks can't take your name and address
from eBay (due to the data protection act).
The reason we don't display our address details at checkout is simple-
we don't want you to send payments directly! Don't ask for them
as we'll just ignore you- anyway you won't be able to understand the
answer anyway, as I guess you can't read.
Postage & Packing
All our items are 1p. You won't be surprised to learn that this is
considerably below the cost price. To at least cover our labour costs
(if not the costs of the goods), because contrary to popular belief,
we're not a charity, we build in a handling fee, so P&P costs are
quite high, and they always include signed for/recorded delivery (so
certain people can't claim their item never arrived). If you don't
like this, don't buy our stuff. We don't cover up the P&P costs (look
- count it- it's mentioned in 3 places!!).
The shipping cost for this item is £2.95
We're not going to reduce our P&P charges just for you, waste loads of
time reweighing packages, send it standard rather than recorded
delivery, or respond to whinges from idiots who can't be bothered to
read our terms and conditions, so please don't ask, as being told to
bugger off often offends.
Refunds and Returns Policy
Our refunds and returns policy is simple- we don't have one. If your
parcel disappears in the post (and despite what you read it's pretty
rare), we'll help you with Royal Mail to the extent of providing you
with details of when the parcel was sent and the track and trace
number. When it leaves us, it will be in good condition and we'll try
and ensure it stays that way by packing it well BUT if Royal Mail use
it as a football, stamp their size 11 boots over it, or your
neighbours dog got to the postman before you did it's not our fault
and there is nothing we can do to help.
Who we are
The reason we've set up this ID is to have some fun. We've grown fed
up with always having to be nice to people who treat us like dirt on
eBay. If you're rude to us we'll be rude back (and I should point out
that whilst these idiots are the small minority they are an extremely
vocal and annoying minority and make our lives hell)! If you're nice
to us, then of course we'll be nice back, if not...
These are our pet hates:
1) People who take weeks to pay and then as soon as they have expect
us to send out their items immediately (usually before their cheques
clear). The people who's feedback is in the low hundreds are the
rudest (you know who you are- and no you're not God's gift to eBay-
maybe when you're a shooting star you will be, but not now).
2) People who can't be bothered to go through the Marketworks check
out and then send a cheque through with no details of the auctions
they've won. If you do this to us, we'll tear your cheque up and throw
it in the bin. I don't want to see another cheque with your address
scribbled on the back (I pick up the cheques from our post office box
and take them to the bank- I'm fed up re-writing addresses on another
piece of paper 'cos someone's too lazy or mean to write it on a
separate piece of paper).
3) People from outside the UK who bid on auctions which are
specifically set up for the UK and then complain when we say we'll
have to charge extra on P&P to send their items to the
US/Norway/Canada/France/Eire/Germany/Australia etc..
4) People who can't read the auction descriptions and ask dumb
questions.
5) People who can't be bothered to go to the post office to pick up a
recorded mailing (and I know it's sometimes the post office's fault),
and then demand we send the item again for free (often before the
first item has been returned to us).
6) Scam artists. You know the ones- 'I've just received this xxxx and
it doesn't work. I know you'll have to pay the return postage if I
send it back, so save you the bother just send me another one for
free'.
7) Sob stories- reasons why I haven't/can't pay. In the past couple of
months I've had several funerals (including a 2 week one in Greece-
whilst the guy bought at least 10 other things on eBay according to
his feedback), a spouse having tests for cancer, husband/wife left me,
children ordered stuff through my account and I can't afford to pay.
Strange, but most of these people were still getting feedbacks on
items they'd bought in the previous 1-2 weeks.
8) Tossers who leave us poor feedback without ever having contacted us
beforehand.
9) People who ask us to 'please leave parcel under dog kennel at back
off house if I'm not in'. We don't deliver ourselves and we send
everything registered post- dogs can't sign for parcels.
10) People who copy our advert titles, descriptions, 'photos, way of
selling (you know who you are Mr Tamagochi, amongst others). Get your
own ideas - I'm expecting at least 10 'rude' eBayers to pop up in the
next month. (Just as a start for those non-creatives among you, here's
a couple of IDs- grumpyyoungmen, naggingneil (if your name's Neil
obviously), rudeandcrudeuk (rudeandcrude's already taken),
sizzlingsisters (well, maybe not that one) etc..
11) People who start their emails to us without a Hi or Dear and write
in CAPITAL LETTERS (there's no need to shout, we're not deaf).
12) People who say they're going to leave negative feedback, because
they don't want to use Marketworks to check out! Look, we're upfront
about it- we use Marketworks- it cuts down our paperwork, reduces
packing time, and means we don't have to employ more people- how else
do you think we can keep our prices down?
13) People who patronise us. You might have guessed by now that this
is not our only ID- we have experienced all these problems- please
don't try and share your extensive 'experience' with us (as someone
with a feedback of 39 tried to do), without bothering to read what
we've got to say!
14) People who claim to have sent a cheque, which never arrives and
then blame us! Hellooooo, it's the post office you should be blaming.
15) People who try and cancel a buy-it-now purchase. I'll call this
the pantomime buyer- Oh yes I want it, on no I don't! Well, I'll make
the decision for you- Oh yes you do- you've bought it- we expect to be
paid.
16) People who set up a separate account just to buy our stuff (I
realise that this is a bit of the pot calling the kettle black- but
we're selling on this ID not buying).
17) Rubber chickens. I see there's a strand in the powerseller's forum
to name this bloody chicken - whilst I usually be too busy to bother
with this- here's a few we came up with: Claude van Chicken, Roasted
(the old fashioned meaning- I don't know what that dog gets up to
with his friends in the woods), Unlucky, Roadkill, Bait, Tonight (last
name obviously), Tandy (short for Tandoori), Kevin Francis etc.. etc..
Contact Us
Before you contact us, please carefully check that your question
doesn't fall into one of the following categories:
* What's the postage on this item (I despair!)? Read our advert.
* Can you send this item by a cheaper method? No.
* Can you sell me this item off eBay? No
* Do you have 100 of this item? No
* We also sell this item, would you like any more? NO!!!
* I've seen this same item in XXXX and it was 2p cheaper? So what,
buy it from them then- why are you wasting my time?
* Do you want to buy some cut-price Viagra? Not yet, but get back to
me in 20 years.
* Can I pick this up from your shop/home/meet you on junction 7 of
the M25 and exchange cash for the goods? No.
* Can I pay you in cash? No.
* If I buy lots of things from you, will you reduce the P&P? Of
course- 75p of the P&Pof the extra item, or if it's over £8.50
and less than 5Kg, we'll send it by courier and charge you £8.50
(only UK Mainland- no islands, isles or Northern Ireland- sorry-
the courier company makes the rules, not me).
* I saw you were selling XXXX last week. WHY ISN'T IT UP AGAIN?
Because we haven't got any, obviously.
* Can you tell me your address? No, see above.
* Do you think I could sell this sort of item myself- I've got some
in an attic somewhere? No, of course you can't, this eBay lark is
highly technical and not just anyone can do it- only the wizards
embroiled 24-7 in the black box that is eBay.co.uk or .com.
* What are the dimensions of XXXX. Look, I'm charging peanuts for
this- I really can't be bothered to go and get it out of it's
packaging and measure it- sorry, but time really is money.
* Would you be willing to send this to
Italy/Germany/USA/France/Norway/Australia- and what's your
cheapest offer on postage? These auctions are open to THE UK ONLY-
there's a reason for this- I can't be bothered to calculate P&P
for every country in the world when my likely return on an auction
is 1p (if I'm lucky and it sells).
* Where's my cheque gone (after the auction)- how the hell should I
know- I don't own the Post Office- shout at them, not us. Better
still, pay by Paypal (I know, I don't like Paypal either, but if
it's a choice...)
* You account with SunTrust bank has been opened- just give us your
credit card details to confirm. Naturally, I would have opened a
bank account with a company I've never heard of, and just
'forgotten' about it.
* Your eBay account has been suspunded, click her to lig back on.
Oh, OK then- would you like my credit card details as well?
If it does, or it's a petty whinge, please feel free to find a very
short pier... and go take a running jump.
The shipping cost for this item is £2.95 (that's it- we mention it 3
times, count them, so don't say you didn't see it!)
alt
(Click to Enlarge)
This item has been seen by alt people!
alt
eBay's most successful sellers use Marketworks sales management
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On 24-Oct-04 at 22:51:11 BST, seller added the following information:
Pay instantly with your debit or credit card through PayPal.
Pay me securely with any major credit card through PayPal.
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